Here comes the sun...

Yesterday was such a bright, sunny day I feel I should celebrate with another blog entry. Can't just complain all the time. So, here's my favourite Coen Brother's movies:

O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Miller's Crossing
The Big Lebowski
No Country For Old Men
Fargo
A Serious Man

I like their others, but I reeeeallly like these.

P.S. Libya has a great flag.

Dark Mornings

There is officially no sun when I go out in the morning. So here is a list of my favourite Beatles songs:

Got to Get You Into My Life

I Feel Fine

In My Life

Across the Universe

Something

Strawberry Fields Forever

Day Tripper

All You Need is Love

I've Just Seen a Face

Norwegian Wood

Helter Skelter

Don't Let Me Down

Moses Parts the Red Sea

Are you familiar with the story of Moses leading the Chosen People out of slavery in Egypt. Maybe you heard it in Sunday school are saw the classic movie "The Ten Commandments." There's a classic moment when the Israelites are being pursued by Pharaoh's army and come up against the Red Sea. At G-d's command, Moses raises his staff and parts the waters, allowing the Israelites to cross safely on dry land. Of course when the Egyptian army ruthlessly follows, the walls of water release and all are killed. Victory!
What I learned today was this: the Egyptian army had decided to leave the Israelites be. G-d had been muddling with them, knocking wheels off their chariots and such, and they decided,"Let's get away from the Israelites! The LORD is fighting for them against Egypt."and retreated. That's right. The Israelites were safe. The army was retreating. And God shot them in the back. I don't know what I find more disturbing, this neglected facet of the story, or that no one else listening to the story seemed disturbed by it.

Ghost

Today, Facebook had a strange suggestion for me; the suggestion that I say hello to an old friend, a friend who has now passed on. It was eerie. For the longest time, there was a lingering lack of finality as the friend request I sent just before he died was never answered. That moment, the uncanny moment when I thought perhaps we had all been mistaken, that somehow that faint hope that settles around the edges of rationality when someone just disappears...
He didn't just swim back from the ocean, of course. Of course. Someone was just updating his Facebook page, of course. But to see the life there, the writing on his wall, as people continue to remember, and post messages to and about him, sharing pictures and stories.
I watched a video of him and felt sad.

Outskirts

As I biked to the edge of the the city yesterday, I realized just how different this city is from Vancouver. The edge of the city. No mountains, no ocean, not another city. Civilization just tapered off. Gradually, the homes and stores and parking lots became interspersed with fields, butterflies, slews, groves of trees and the steady background noise - not quite a chirp, not quite a hum - of the prairies. I could try and define why I found it so comforting, but I suppose it's just the nature of nature. What I found most comforting was the I, and other people, could still find places like this.

Ordinary

It's a little amazing (or is it?) that this transition to a new living situation has descended into banality so quickly. Has life become routine already, or is my buffer of extreme pragmatism sheltering me from the emotional reality of my situation?
Like I've said, Vancouver was a bit of a dream; easy access to beautiful beaches, private DJ parties, bike routes galore and organic produce just blocks away. And boobs. Oh yes, there were boobs.
And now it's a different life; potlucks and strategy games and re-runs of Entourage. My new simple pleasures. Whenever I balk that I must once again borrow Mom's car, I remember the times I had to borrow from Visa to pay rent and welcome my new path of practicality. And take joy in my new simple pleasures.

The In-Between Time

I hate waiting. That's all I seem to be doing these days; waiting for school to start, waiting for my resumes to bring job interviews, waiting for interviews to bring a job, waiting for paperwork to come through so I can finish student loan applications. Waiting.
It's times like these I realize how much I am often ruled by my emotions. While there is a good chance things will work out it the end, the niggling uncertainty hiding in all these situations is adding up to one big seething ball of doubt. What if? What if? What if? Some burdens can be dispelled with some deep breathing, a cup of tea and a Rumi poem, but I may just have to slug my way through this bundle of shadows. But what, how, when, why - I am headless.
I made a list. Jotted a little checklist of things I could do. This blog was one of them. As far as things I could do to ensure my future security go, it's fairly minor. But it's something. A little ferret pulled from the churning pile of vermin hiding somewhere between my hope and my cockles. Later, I can mow the lawn.
So this is it. A slight easing, some minor progress, a bit of forward momentum. One minute at at time. Lord. One minute at a time.